Dating Online – terminology

Like many areas of our lives, dating online has it's own terminology. Here’s a list of terms you’ll come across in the online dating world. Some of them also have links to other pages that explain things more fully.

Membership
When you join or sign-up to an online dating site you become a member. This usually involves supplying an email account, bank details (in the case of fee-paying sites) and creating a profile.

Recurring Payments
For fee-paying sites recurring payments are fees that are taken out of your bank account on a regular basis – every month, year etc. For more information about recurring fees click here.

Profile
Online dating websites oblige you to have some sort of membership profile. This usually includes personal details, preferences, likes etc as well as one or more photos. Sometimes videos can be included too, though this tends to be on Adult Dating sites. For help with creating a profile, click here.

Screen Name
Your Screen Name is the name you use as part of your membership. It’s a good idea not to use your real name, as it is incredibly easy to find people who have an “online presence” through social networking sites such as Facebook, Flickr etc.

One of the screen names I’ve used as an online dater is Pete the Pirate. My real name isn’t Peter and I’m not a pirate, so it would be difficult for anyone to link that name with the real me. Don’t be fooled into thinking people are generally honest/nice/good/reliable/trustworthy – most people are, but it’s really not worth the risk to reveal personal details on dating sites – dating online makes it easy to masquerade as someone or something other than who you are.

Password
When you sign up for online dating you will need a password to access your profile and read messages etc. If you’ve created a new email account for your Internet dating adventures, you could use the same password (though to be more secure, your email address and password should be different from your dating site Screen Name and password).

Potential Matches
These are the individual profiles/photos etc that you will find yourself from dating site searches, or that you will receive by email from the site's admin team. This is often an automatic system that will send profiles that match your search criteria – the details you supply about the sort of person you're looking for etc – though you will likely get many more profiles sent to you that are nowhere near your specified criteria. This is particularly true in terms of geographical details.

For instance, if you specified in your profile that you’re only interested in women from Greenock, you’ll no doubt be sent information about women from Edinburgh, Glasgow and Birmingham too, though they'll typically be further down the list, with the nearest matches at the top. You can of course opt out of email notifications so the only messages you see are those that come to your own page on the dating site and will not be copied to your personal email.

Fee-Paying
Fees for dating online are those monies charged to you by the dating site. This varies from a few pounds for a few days, to several hundred over the course of a year. Beware! Don’t fall into the trap of signing up to recurring fees unless you’re happy about how much you’ll be paying. For more information about fees click here.

Free sites
Free online dating sites are those that don’t charge any fees for their services. Be careful though, as some “free” sites do have fees for additional areas of their sites, such as Adult or video sections, so be clear about what they offer before you sign up.

Search Criteria
This refers to your (and other people’s) search criteria and any details you've supplied about the type of person you're looking for – e.g. the geographical area you’re interested in, or the age range of potential partners. Some dating online sites will only allow you to see search results that exactly match your stated criteria, so if you’ve said you’re only interested in men aged 50-60, you won’t get and results for men aged 49.

Ice-Breaker
Many dating sites have icebreakers, or mini-introductions that you can send to other members. Eg “Hey, I like your profile – why don’t you check out mine?” You might see these on fee-paying sites where you haven’t signed up for payment and therefore don’t have full access to email and messages. Often members are allowed to send ice-breakers to other members but generally won’t be able to see any reply, or aren't allowed to respond to their reply. This is just another way of dangling the carrot to get you to cough up some cash.

Ice-breakers are also a cop-out that men in particular (sorry guys) use to avoid going to the trouble of writing someone an actual message. If you’re interested in someone, the best thing is to send a message that shows you’ve taken time to read their profile. No-one wants to think they’re just another tick on your “give-it-a-try” list.

Terms of Use
Online dating sites that charge fees are obliged to make their terms of use clear so you know what you're letting yourself in for before signing up. They are usually in very small print at the bottom of the page and aren't always easy to understand. However, it's a good idea to have a look through them before handing over your cash, particularly in relation to cancellation rights.

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