Dating Online - First Date Basics

While dating in the real world is a situation that most of us are familiar with, it's important to remember that dating online is
a virtual world. Our imaginations happily skip along like lovesick puppies, with our hearts shouting 'yes' when they should be saying 'no'. People are not always what they seem, and shared ideas, likes and fantasies might not be as mutual or reciprocated as you expect.

First dates are always going to feel a bit strange (as well as, hopefully, exciting and fun), so don't get carried away by the occasion. There are lots of easy ways to prepare yourself and make sure you don't end up regretting anything. Here's a few tips to bear in mind:

Daytime is obviously less ‘loaded’ than an evening date, so think about
a lunch
a walk
a look round a museum/gallery
or a simple coffee
Choose somewhere relaxed and casual rather than formal.

Cinema, sporting events or theatre performances are not good options for getting to know a stranger - you need to allow yourselves the time and space to chat, so if you do choose one of these, you must factor in time in a bar or café afterwards. Remember, theatre and cinema bars tend to be either very busy or very quiet and often lack atmosphere.

On the other hand, don’t choose somewhere that’s crowded, noisy or with loud music, that’s difficult to get to or where you might run into friends or acquaintances. Friends may be well-meaning, but can unintentionally make an interesting situation very uncomfortable. (This happened to me on a date, and while it wasn't particularly embarrassing, it did feel awkward). A restaurant dinner is probably a bit too formal for a first date while an informal lunch might be fine. In order to avoid embarrassment and misguided expectations, be prepared to pay the full bill - even if you are the female partner.

Plan B

Be prepared to change your plans - what seemed like a great, exciting, or fun activity when you were emailing your virtual date at midnight on Friday, may suddenly appear less attractive on a cold Sunday morning. Always have a back-up plan - if you've agreed to have lunch together and then find your date isn't really hungry, suggest something else.

Good to Talk

Have a few subjects of conversation ready. Check out your date’s profile and emails for important information, such as their job, children, pets and interests. Most people like to talk about themselves, so if your date is into sky-diving (for example), show a bit of enthusiasm and give some thought to your own point of view on the subject.

As always, don’t drink too much and make sure you have a fool-proof way of getting home independently.

Psychological Health Tip 1

Don’t be tempted to continue emailing your intended date for too long before your first meeting. Remember, however ‘bonded’ you feel online, your online contacts are still strangers. They'll have their own agendas, even though you may be exchanging thoughts, confidences, flirtatious nonsense and private jokes several times a day. This can mean that a real meeting might result in the relationship being called swiftly off by either party. Even if it’s your decision, you will badly feel the loss of someone who you may have made a significant emotional investment in, however imaginary, so keep the online contact as casual and short as it can safely be, before deciding to meet.

Psychological Health Tip 2

If, as often happens on meeting, the relationship does not progress, don’t take this personally. Your contact will have one of many different possible reasons for not wanting to meet again, and these will probably not be to do with your personal attractiveness. So, instead of thinking that the relationship ended in your ‘rejection’, tell yourself instead that the relationship “did not work out” this time.